This ain’t a scene

Providence is not precisely the most poly-friendly environment in the world.  This, to most New Englanders who are poly, is not news.  It’s a lovely town, and highly progressive, but all of the poly activity is in Boston.  I’ve got no problem traveling to Boston; I have not yet internalized Rhode Island’s if-it’s-over-a-bridge-it’s-at-least-a-day-trip mentality, and in fact, being from Indiana, I think nothing of driving for an hour or two for an evening’s entertainment.  However, Boston’s a little far away for me to be part of whatever “scene” is going on.  I know there’s a meetup at the Diesel in Somerville a lot, and while it would be nice to get to know some more people who are actively non-monogamous (for dating, perhaps, but also just to have people to talk to), or to get to know the ones that I do better, the logistics of getting up there regularly are difficult.  Additionally, I sort of think I’d feel intrusive, especially if I went by myself.

The most obvious answer would be to try to form something similar here in Providence.  There’s really no cohesiveness or community for the poly/open crowd down here, although I do know that they exist.  If you look around, e.g., at, there’s nothing in Rhode Island at all.  Which is not to say that that’s unique, as there are many states with nothing of the sort but, hey, I don’t so much care about them.

Obviously, no one else seems to be on the road to trying something like this; if I would like to be part of such a community, I’ll probably need to start trying to pull it together myself.  I’m thinking of starting a Providence poly/open meetup. I’m hesitant, though, for a lot of reasons.  I’ll never be a polyvangelist, trying to talk up the lifestyle to anyone (I don’t even self-identify as poly).  I’m not the world’s best organizer, and I tend to get really enthusiastic about something and then lose interest and wander off after a few months–hey, maybe that’s the related to the non-monogamous leanings in the first place.  While I would really like to be part of a like-minded community, I worry a little that the fact I’d also be doing this partly in hopes of finding dates is a little sketchy.  And I’m hesitant to commit to something like being an out-and-open face for something like this.

At the same time, I’m in a good position to start this.  I have a job that I won’t risk losing if it becomes known that I’m in an open relationship and also (potentially) involved in a community related to such–if I do become an aforementioned out-and-open face. I’m good at getting things rolling, at least.  And it certainly seems as if no one is going to do so if someone doesn’t take initiative.

I wobble on this. Some moments it seems like a great idea, some it seems utterly ridiculous.  And I don’t know if it works this way; does founding a meetup help found a community, or is that trying to do it backward?

I’ll keep considering.  In the meantime, if anyone reading knows someone poly/non-monogamous/open in Providence who might be interested in such a thing, well, you should have given me their number already.


4 thoughts on “This ain’t a scene

  1. I’ve pondered something like this before but I’ve always known I’d never have the commitment to make it happen nor the tolerance for approaches to non-monogamy that I deem stupid. I’m judgmental like that I guess.
    Although, one time I took a not-happening Orange County goth meetup and got the attendance up (or, really, existant). I didn’t self-identify as a goth, but I wanted to meet and date some goths for a bit. Then, when it was more established, some more dedicated goths took over the meetups and I was free to show up or not as I wanted, so that worked out. I guess it could go either way.

  2. Yeah, I’m not terribly judgmental, but I’m also going to zone out really fast if I get dropped into a conversation about relationship styles.

  3. Yeah. Providence is like that. I think it’s worth it– there are actually quite a few lurkers that would be happy to show up if a meeting place existed. Also, I think you’d be a great get-the-ball-rolling guy. You’re much more outgoing than you let on. You met more folks on the scene in a couple of months than I did in years!

  4. Aw, thanks. No, I know I’m outgoing; I’d have to completely lack self-awareness not to realize that I’m a huge extravert. I just have a couple of particular situations that I get paralyzed in, which also happen to be the ones I talk about all the time lately.

    Anyway, I’m going to at least test the waters on this one. See if I can figure out where to meet, put up a discussion group, etc. Of course, part of the problem with something like this is figuring out how to promote it, given that the idea is to found something like this where it doesn’t yet exist.

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