Small changes

I was browsing profiles on OkCupid a few days ago, and looked at someone who used to be nearby when I was back in Indiana.  I had contacted her, and we’d had an exchange that didn’t go anywhere in particular, but not for months after first seeing her online.  A thousand excuses: a little too far away, a little too young, etc., but really it was just easier on me not to bother.  This happened a lot.  One person in particular, about whom I should write when this blog is not already awash in emo bullshit, I never actually got to meet because I put it off too long and it ended up being a little too late by the time we ever made actual plans.

I digress.  My point was that I looked at this profile and didn’t immediately recognize her, and my first reflex was to get in contact.  I then realized that I already had, but I also realized that this represents a significant shift in how I approach these things.

The point being, as I’ve noted here before, it’s hard to see gradual changes in yourself until they’re pointed out to you by something.  I’m clearly on a good overall trajectory, internally, even if I don’t always realize it.  Whether or when that will translate into, like, dates, who knows, but it’s good to know it’s there.


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