This week’s Poly Speed Dating event in Boston was a fun time, and a great way to spend an evening with a bunch of new people in hats. I was/am skeptical of the usefulness of speed dating, but if nothing else it’s nice to get an objective measure of how many people that you find interesting return the favor, even if that number may be a little lower than one would like.
To expound on that a little, I find it very valuable to have a way of gauging interest like that, because I don’t have a real sense of my own attractiveness. I’m not my type, and I’ve spent basically none of my adult life available for the sorts of things most people are looking for, so I can’t calibrate by “number of dates” or anything along those lines.
Edit: a little more exposition:
While in a monogamous relationship, it’s very easy to take almost any subtle hint of interest on someone else’s part as a real desire that will just never be consummated. So one can take little bits of validation from that without ever having to act on it, because one is dating the maximum number of people already. Whereas being in an open relationship is much more like being single in this respect; if one isn’t dating new people on occasion, it can’t be chalked up to being disallowed from doing so.
I guess I rely on occasional outside validation to determine where I stand in this realm. I’m sure that’s not the case for everyone, but I’m very thoroughly not my type.