Glass Closets

I was at a client’s office recently, and was recognized from driving around the city at some point. The person who recognized me indicated that she saw me with someone, “probably my girlfriend or wife”, and given the time frame… I couldn’t be sure which girlfriend or person-I-was-out-with-who-is-probably-not-a-girlfriend-really she saw me with.  I made a noncommittal noise and talked about the area we were seen in by way of changing the subject.

It’s made me realize that I’ll probably have to be “out” as nonmonogamous at some point, even in the workplace.  It’s a small city, and I run into clients and coworkers all the time.  The latter aren’t really a problen; there’s one guy who will make stupid jokes if he finds out I’m seeing other people, but everyone else is fine.  I’m already out to at least one person there.

Clients are more complicated.  I’m a consultant, so my “office” is just a central base I spend small amounts of time at. The vast majority of my week is spent at various other offices around southern New England, which have a wide range of cultures and attitudes.  The place with the gal who saw me with my “girlfriend or wife” is someplace that it would probably be fine.  Other places might go so far as to ask me not to come back, I think.  Most are in the middle, where it would be uncomfortable knowledge but probably wouldn’t seriously impact my client relationships.

It won’t serve not to explain, though, I’d imagine.  Otherwise, I will just get pegged as a cheater rather than someone who openly sees other people.  I’ve mostly avoided casual discussions of my love life, but people make small talk, and it at least comes up that I’m living with a significant other.

None of this is a huge problem.  I’m an upper-middle-class white fellow, and I tick off basically every category of privilege out there, so people might look askance but I wouldn’t expect serious consequences.  It’s an angle I hadn’t considered, though; given that I’m not going to, say, hide away the non-Carrie folks that I’m seeing, I’m probably going to have to explain myself.

Also, I may have to tell my doctor, because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m cheating, too.


My most common OkCupid conversation, a play in one act

her, “Opener! Question about an aspect of your profile? Compliment on your hair.”

me, “Haha, rejoinder. I am a big fan of aspect. Can you tell me more about your favorite band or dish?”

her, “Oh, I LOVE band or dish. Are you a fan? I didn’t know anyone else had ever eaten/listened to it/them. So, invitation to imply what your salary is?”

me, “Well, implication that I work in a lucrative field. Brief discussion of band or dish. Offhand mention of a girlfriend who is clearly mentioned and linked to in my profile.”

Fin. Exeunt omnes.

Woo food

Carrie often uses “woo food” to refer to the foods that you would feed someone to convince them that they should allow you ingress to their pants.  Dunno if it’s a Carrie original, but plugging “woo food” into Google mostly gets me Chinese food, so I’m going to assume it’s close enough.

In any event, Carrie has a handful of these in her arsenal, the most powerful that I’ve experienced being her cheese biscuits, although I’m going to nominate her “leathery tofu” as another candidate, and I think that her seasoned soya nuggets should also get at least an honorable mention.  My go-to for some time has been cheese-stuffed poblano peppers, but that only works for a certain time of year.  I think that I’m going to add, for summer rotation, my new watermelon-and-edamame salad.

What kinds of foods do you make for a would-be paramour? Or, conversely, what sorts of things would impress you if a date laid them on the table? (pun unintended but noted as I was writing it)

It is possible that I have ulterior motives here.

A pair of simultaneous dialogs

me: I think I am in the process of scheduling a date. me: Would you like to grab dinner sometime this week? Maybe Tuesday?
L: 😀 A: That would be great. Where and when?
yay! me: Good question. I’m actually poking around at what’s going on in town right now.
me: I am not sure, though. Not a process I go through often.
{discussion of food options, and then I ask what she does}
L: when it rains, it pours 😉
me: Ha.
{here I link to A’s profile}
L: haha, the username is promising
me: Heh. Yes. We’ll see.
L: was she at the shakespeare thing?
me: No, someone I’ve exchanged messages with recently.
If this goes anywhere, it will mark the first time I’ve approached someone and then ended up going out with them.
L: 😀
me: Oh, apparently she just finished a degree in {L’s major} at {L’s university} A: I just finished a degree in {same thing L is majoring in}. My department had a really big undergraduate TA program, so I TA’ed twice before transitioning into administration.
It is possible that I may have a “type”. I’m going to (re)start a job at {place L interned at} this fall after interning there last summer.
L: hahaha
{further discussion, during which the revelations to the left happen}
me: … and she interned at {place where L interned} last summer.
L: yeeeeees
me: Do they just recruit really hard at {university}?
L: more or less
fwiw, I think you have great taste 🙂
me: Well, I think so. But then, I would.
L: (I think I’d begin to be disingenuous if I didn’t say that A and I are quite good friends)
me: (ooooohhh)
{discussion of whether we should disclose this}
me: Well, at this point, it kind of seems unfair for her to be the only person who doesn’t know.
L: right — so don’t feel that you’re violating my privacy by correcting that imbalance
me: All right. me: Er. So… full disclosure. I’ve been seeing L for some time now, and have just discovered that the two of you are friends, apparently.
(Doing so. Hope you haven’t said anything too terrible) A: OH LULZ
L: haha, no, rest assured L and I go way back. I think I gave her advice when she was buying someone who was probably you a present once.
me: Well, fine with her if it’s fine with you. I am very amused, at the least. That’s funny. Also, fine by me if it’s fine by her.
me: Ha. Yes, seems to be. Although feel free to ask her, of course. I’m trying to think what this present would have been.