It’s been pointed out that the name of my blog doesn’t really work now that I’m four years into a primary relationship, married, and have been navigating open relationships at least semi-successfully for some time.

I’ll probably migrate to my own hosting sometime soon, and rename the blog then.  I currently don’t have any options lined up, but if someone wants to make a suggestion I am all ears.  Eyes, actually I guess.  Unless you call me and tell me and then I guess it’s ears.


So it seems that Eilella and I won’t be seeing each other any more.  She and her husband, ah… Seakul, male elf Arcane Archer (random assignation, don’t know Sam well enough to ascribe a class to him. Skipped a few that sounded like I was picking on him, like the gnome bard), have renegotiated their terms and she’s now only going to see one other guy at a time, although she’s available for multiple women, so if anyone in the audience is looking and in the area I will gladly point her out to you.

Yes, yes, thank you for your sympathies, it’s fine. We really hadn’t gotten seriously involved yet, which is why it’s less impactful than it might be later but also why I didn’t make the cut.  She’s seeing someone more seriously, which makes him the obvious choice.  I’m disappointed, of course–she’s great fun and she’s lovely–but I’m not broken up or anything.

What I actually wanted to address is that poly “breakups” seem to be, in my limited experience, very different from monogamous ones.  They seem to be much more often about logistics, either physical or emotional, than about some actual incompatibility.  This makes sense, of course, as there’s no need to stop seeing one person in order to start seeing another, but it means that relationships tend to just keep going until they’re ended by some outside force.  The very few cases I know of a semi-traditional “breakup” among poly couples seems to go something like “let’s not be primaries any more”, unless there’s some egregious outrage on the part of one or the other.

I haven’t really had a breakup breakup in six years.  The closest was when Alinys Darksbane (chaotic good half-elf cleric) and I were looking for different kinds of poly, but that doesn’t really count, either.

Not that I’m entirely sure what I mean by “traditional breakup”.  Something like gradually growing apart, and realizing that things can’t continue as they are.  The thing about an open relationship is that it can grow apart and grow back together organically; you don’t have to end it at the down point in order to pursue something else.  You just slow down for a bit.  Sometimes that’s a problem, in that the parties involved would be better off with a clean break, but I think it generally seems to work better and create less strife.  Not that poly relationships lack for strife, but there’s no artificial barrier you run up against.  Things are dramatic on a low level all the time rather than in a big burst at the end.

Maybe. What do I know? In any event, I have Wednesday free now if anyone’s got something they want to do.